Married life
by Brittany Malfoy
Summary: Dumbledore came up with a plan to help the 7th years perpare for marriage. Hermione thought this was going to be great, but when the sorting hat got to her name and shouted "SNAPE.'' she wasn't so sure.
1. Default Chapter

*I don't own any Harry Potter characters. No matter how much I want to, I don't. Also, I don't have a lot of money, so please, don't sue me. If you do, all you'll get is 60 dollars, if that.

This is my first fanfic, so please be nice. If you have any suggestions what so ever, I'll be more then happy to hear them. 

Now, on with the story...........*

It was Hermione's 7th year and she was on her way to Hogwarts express. While on her way she noted how many guys looked her way, for she now had wavy, shinny hair, not the same bushy hair she had before. Hermione had also filled out over the summer. She was 5'6, with a different sense of style. She no longer wore the plain, boring clothes. Hermione now wore hip hugger jeans with a green tube top that brought out her eyes. As she walked, her high heal shoes clicked on the pavement and she smiled to herself, knowing she looked good. For the first time since she's been at Hogwarts, she felt happy with herself and her looks. Hermione looked to her right and saw Ron. She ran to him and gave him a hug. Hermione pulled away and looked up at him, for he was a good 3 inches taller then her. 

"Hey Ron, how was your summer?" Hermione asked. 

Ron looked at the girl in confusion. "Do I know you, if not can I get to know you?" Hermione laughed at this. 

"It's me you git, Hermione." Ron's ears went very red, causing Hermione to laugh harder. 

"Sorry about that Herm. It's just - you look good!" 

Hermione gave him a death glare and asked, "So your saying I didn't look good before?" 

Ron was starting to look nervous, "No, not at all!" Hermione saw how nervous Ron was getting and decided to back off. She went threw the barrier and walked towards the Hogwarts train. She was so deep in thought she didn't see the tall, mysterious, figure in long, black robes, who had his back towards her.

Snape watched the students walking towards the train. He was silently cursing Dumbledore for making him watch over the students, for he hated children. Just as he thought of the headache he was going to have later, he felt someone bump into him. He turned around slowly and looked down at Hermione, who was on the floor. He raised an eyebrow and in a icy tone of voice he said, "Miss Granger, I thought a know-it-all like yourself could at least know how to walk in a orderly fashion. If you spent as much time as you have on your looks, and Merlin knows that must have taken a month to straighten that bush that you called hair out, you could be just as graceful as Longbottom is clumsy." He gave a slight smirk.

Hermione had know idea what she hit or whom, until she looked up and saw the evil potions master himself. She expected Snape's words to hurt, but they just pissed her off. As he was insulting her, Hermione got up off the floor, and stood in front of her potions teacher. Her eyes flashed in anger. Hermione knew she was going to lose her cool so she tried to calm down, but that smirk of his pushed her over the deep edge. She had no idea if it was just everything he ever said to her that was cruel or if it was everyone that was ever mean to her, Hermione ever knew, but right then and there, Hermione exploded.

"Thank you for the tip Professor Snape. Would you like to barrow some shampoo professor? For if you spent as much time washing your hair and brushing those yellow, tea stained, objects in your mouth that you call teeth, you might have even been a match for Lockhart himself. So, here's some shampoo,*Hands Professor Snape the shampoo* because unlike you, I actually wash my hair. You do know what shampoo is and what to do with it right?" Hermione couldn't believe she just said that, but she tried not to look scared. Which she suggested, but to her dismay, looking scared was the least of her worries.

Severus didn't know what to say. He just stood there in plain shock.* How dare she say that to me? Oh, I'm going to have fun making her final year hell!* Just as he thought this Hermione smiled and said sweetly "Got to go Professor. He who washes none." Hermione then ran to the train and got on. She quickly walked to the cart Ron, Harry, and her always shared. Hermione opened the door and set down and looked at Ron and Harry, trying to see if they knew what just happened. From the faces of both Harry and Ron, they did, then Harry gets down on his knees and says in a weird but funny voice, "Oh queen of all that annoys the grease ball Snape, how may I serve thee?" Hermione couldn't hold it anymore, and she burst out laughing. "You may wash the grease ball Snape's hair, and do the world justice," said Hermione, who was trying to keep a straight face, but was falling rapidly. 

The Dream team talked about their summer, and what they want to do after Hogwarts. Hermione, being head girl, had a lot of options for her future. She smiled at the memory of her O.W.L's. Hermione, being who she was, got outstanding on everything. This year, she was taking everything that she was in her 5th year. Hermione was brought out of her dream world by her friend Jimena, who was tapping her shoulder. ''Hey, were here." Jimena and Ron have been going out since 6th year. Jimena was a nice person, but Hermione knew not to push Jimena over the edge. Hermione opened the train doors for the other students, watching the first years walk to Hagrid, and knew what they were thinking and what there going to be going through later brought a smile to her face. So lost in thought, Hermione didn't notice the other carriages were already gone. When Hermione looked up she realized her mistake. As fast as she could, she ran toward the last carriage. Hermione had no idea until she got in that the carriage that it was already taken by a certain potions professor.

Snape sat in the carriage, eyes closed and in deep thought. Only in Snape's mind would he admit, that Hermione was breath taking. Snap out of it! Snape silently scolded himself. Severus felt someone climb into the carriage, but he didn't care. He kept his eyes closed. His mind returned to Hermione, but not her looks, no what she said. Severus Snape has never been talk down to like that before, and let the culprit go unpunished. I'm going to get her back, he thought to himself, but how? Severus sat there with his eyes close for the entire carriage ride, plotting how he was going to get her back. He could not punish her, for they were not in or on school grounds, plus school term technically hasn't started. Snape growled in frustration at this. How much simpler things would be if he could shout out 30 points from Gryffindor. Then it suddenly dawned on him. He smirked and had to hold back a laugh in pure delight. Snape was going to get Hermione where it hurt most. Not house points, not detention, but with her grades. Severus was going to find ever little thing he could use to lower her grade as low as possible, and when he did, he was going to reduce he into tears. If she wants me to play the villain, then I'll play the damn villain, Snape thought with a smile. When the carriage stopped, Snape opened his dark, black eyes, where his met rich brown ones.

Damn, damn, double damn, Hermione thought as Snape's eye bore into hers. She quickly looked away and got out of the carriage as fast as her legs could go. She walked up the Hogwart's steps, and opened the main doors. She then caught up with her friends and all four of them walked into the Great Hall.

Snape smirked at Hermione's retreating figure. He knew she thought he was going to give her a detention or take off house points, but no. What he was going to do was much worse. Why bother just taking all the thorn's off the rose, when you can take all the thorns off the roes bush, Snape thought acidly. Snape started up the steps, glaring at students on the way, but in the inside, he was laughing. 

Hermione sat the Gryffindor table with a frown on her face. She had a bad feeling and she had no clue why, but she knew something wasn't right. Hermione turned her head to the main doors just in time to see Professor Snape, billowing robes flying out behind him, and a scowl on his face. He turned his head and looked right into her prying eyes. If looks could kill, thought Hermione, she would be dead, buried 6 feet under, dug up and killed again. Hermione didn't look away though; no, she met his eyes, and gave him a look of her own. Snape looked surprised for a moment then he did the unthinkable, he smiled, a real, tooth grinning smile. Most people who didn't know Professor Snape, they would have thought it was a nice jester, but for the people who did know Snape, it scared them worse then any other look he could have threw at them. Hermione knew right then and there that she was in trouble. 

Snape smiled even more at the surprised look on Hermione's face. On the inside he was laughing at the look on her face, but the look on her face didn't stay like that long, not long at all. Snape was the one with the surprised look on his face now. Snape's skin was more pale the usual, his eyes were very big as they look into Hermione's brown ones, though they didn't look long. Snape quickly looked away, and stormed to the head table. The gears in Professor Snape's mind were turning faster then normal. It couldn't be true, but in fact it was. Hermione, the smartest girl Hogwarts has ever seen, and in fact did the most unthinkable, the most craziest thing in Hogwarts history, she winked and blew kisses at the dreaded potions master.

Hermione had no idea what has gotten into her, but whatever it was, in a weird way, she liked it. Right then and there, she made a promise, that she was going to piss Snape off, no matter what.


	2. Chapter 2

*I do not own Harry Potter or any of the Harry Potter characters. So, please don't sue me. Thanks for all the reviews, I was shocked at how many I gotten. Also, I couldn't have done this with out my friends Corazon and Snape. Now on with the story….*

Severus Snape sat at the head table sneering at the students below. His mind pondering on resent events, more specifically, Hermione Granger. The nerve of her, Snape thought, how dare she even think of trying to get the best of me. Snape looked down at Hermione, giving her a look that would have scared the bravest of men. Oh, how he yearned for revenge, to push her off the deep end. Patience, he said silently in his mind, you have all year. Yes Miss Granger, you'll get yours soon enough. Snape turned his attention back to the sorting with a slight smirk on his face.

Hermione was aware of Snape's glare. Well, she thought, if he wants to glare, I'll give him something to glare about! Hermione then started to put that brain of hers into use. She started to plan her year of pissing Snape off. Hermione, being the critical thinker she was, came up with some great ideas, but little did Hermione and Severus know, something was about to happen to make all the sweet plans of revenge even sweeter.

Albus Dumbledore stood up and addressed the students. "I have a surprise for all of the 7th years. This is something new that no wizarding school has done in the history of magic," said Dumbledore. Upon hearing this, the whole school started to talk excitedly amongst themselves. Dumbledore cleared his throat and the hall immediately fell silent. "I have decided to prepare you all for marriage. The sorting hat will pair you with the person whom you have the most in common with. I will call out a person's name from this list of all 7th years, and the sorting hat will shout out his or her name," said Dumbledore.

The reaction of all the 7th years was a mixture of excitement and fear. Hermione was one of the people who was excited. This is a wonderful idea, Hermione thought. I wonder who I'll be paired with and if this is going to count as a grade? Hermione looked at Harry and Ron, who were both looking excited as well. If Hermione had known what was about to happen, she would have retracted her thought.

Snape smirked at the students. This is going to be wonderful, Snape thought to himself as he looked at Hermione, his mind turning at all the new ways he could insult Hermione in class as well as out. I can't wait to find out who gets stuck with the know it all. I'm going to feel sorry for who ever it is, he thought. Snape had no idea how right he was. 

Dumbledore walked over toward the sorting hat and stood to the right of it. "Now when the sorting hat shouts out your name, two rings will come out the tear of its mouth for the couple they belong to. The boy will put the ring on the girl's finger, and the girl will do the same to the boy. You will leave tonight with him or her and share a room, where you will sleep, cook and eat your meals with no magic. You will study and converse in this room as a married couple. You will also go with him or her to any dances or special events as a couple. You can of course, go to your common room and spend time with your friends. I'll also be issuing each couple a pet to take care of. You will also have your own bathroom, library, living room, and dinning room. You will not only act as a couple, live as a couple, but also learn as a couple," Dumbledore said and the hall was unearthly silent. Hermione started to feel nervous. As Dumbledore's words played back in her mind, her stomach tied into more knots. The more knots she felt, the more nervous and sick she felt. Oh how she wished she wouldn't get pared with someone who she hated or despised. Her wish wasn't going to be answered.

Snape thought about Dumbledore's words, and silently wondered what the old man was getting at, and if he just lost his mind? Snape shook his head slightly. He knew Dumbledore was up to something, but that was always the question of the day. Snape was about to find out, but he wasn't going to like the answer.

Dumbledore went by houses. Ravenclaw first, then Hufflepuff, Slytherin, and last but not least, Gryffindor. Dumbledore called out in aloud voice "Jimena ", the sorting hat was quiet for a few moments then it shouted "Ron Weasley". Everyone in the Great Hall heard a very loud "YAHOOOOOOOOOOOO" coming from the mouth of none other then Ron and Jimena at the same time. All the Ravenclaws and Gryffindors smiled at this, along with a few professors, for everyone knew how much Ron and Jimena loved each other. Dumbledore then called out "Luna Lovegood", the sorting hat as well as the people in the Great Hall were silent. Then the sorting hat shouted "Harry Potter", this was quite a shock for Harry and Luna, but they smiled and took it without a fuss. Dumbledore went through all the names of the Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, Slytherins, and now were on the Gryffindors. Dumbledore called out Hermione's name, the Great Hall silent as a winter's night. The sorting hat stayed silent for five minutes before it shouted the name that would change hers, as well a certain Slytherin's life forever, "SEVERUS SNAPE." At that moment everyone seemed too shocked to breathe. 

Hermione felt her breathing quicken, as the world started to spin. Her mind repeating what the sorting hat had said. The world around her was spinning faster, as well as her breathing. The name Severus Snape kept flashing in her mind as her breathing turned to gasps of air, and her world was spinning faster and faster until everything in her world went black.

*Ok, I'm writing the 3rd chapter right now, so please don't hunt me down and kill me or send viruses threw my e-mail. I promise to have the 3rd chapter up in 3 to 4 days. Please keep reviewing*


	3. Chapter 3

*I don't own Harry Potter or any other Harry Potter character, no matter how much I want to. I want to take this time to thank everyone who has reviewed. I really appreciate it. I would also like to thank my beta readers Corazon and Snape. 

Now on with the story…*

Severus' eyes were almost as big as Dobby's. A part of him thought this was all a joke, pulled by Dumbledore, but when he looked into Dumbledore's eyes and saw they too were full of surprise and shock, as well as the rest of the Great Hall, he knew right then and there that this was no joke. Severus' eyes then turned from shock and disbelieve to distaste and outrage. Snape stood up to rant and rave, when Hermione then fainted. Snape personally could careless, but Dumbledore on the other hand did. 

"Severus, take Miss Granger to my office where I would like the two of you to wait for me," said Dumbledore. Shit, thought Snape, this is just great. Severus picked Hermione up with, surprisingly, gentle care. He walked out of the Great Hall and down the corridors and only then would he look down at Hermione, who had her head on his arm, and his lips twisted into a light smile. She looks so innocent, Snape thought as they reached the gargoyles. Snape then snap out of it and his once up turned lips returned to their normal sneer. Snape mumbled the password, "Skittles", and walked up the stairs with Hermione in his arms. When Snape opened the door, he didn't know where to put her. I could put her in a chair, but she would more than likely fall out and hit her head. That's just what I need, Snape thought sarcastically, Dumbledore thinking I'm trying to give my students concussions. There's no place I can lay her down at all, damn it. As Snape thought this he sat down and shifted Hermione onto his lap. Hermione's head rested on Snape's shoulder and her arm laid on Snape's. Snape would never admit this to anyone, for he could barley admit it to himself, but he felt peaceful with Hermione as she was. As if on cue Hermione sighed and put her arm around his neck, and ever so slowly brought her head over to his and started to nuzzle his neck. Down boy, down, Snape thought. If only Hermione knew how she was affecting him, she might have stopped, but in her condition she had no clue, much to Snape's annoyance and pleasure. 

Dumbledore walked in 15 minutes later. Dumbledore walked around his desk and looked at Snape, who had beads of sweat on his forehead, and laughed. "Severus, all you had to do was perform the Enervate." Dumbledore chuckled once more then with a wave of his wand Hermione woke up.

Hermione, to put it simply, was in shear bliss. She felt strong warm arms around her and the smell of herbs and musk tickled her senses. Hermione wanted to get as close as she could to the warmth. She sighed. Hermione never wanted to wake up, but she felt a sensation in her nerves and her eyes opened and when she looked into the eyes of the dreaded potions master, she screamed right in Snape's ear. She pulled back so fast she did a back flip and landed on her feet, much to Snape's surprise.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Hermione said drastically. 

"Miss Granger, please calm down and have a sit," said Dumbledore. "And Miss Granger, not on my lap." Snape said. Hermione rolled her eyes at this, and in her mind she was screaming ASSHOLE! She sat down, crossed her legs, and folded her hands in her lap with her eyes set with determination. She was about to argue about her situation but Snape beat her to it.

"Albus, there's no way I'm going to live with Miss Granger for a year. I simply will not slander my reputation by something so ridiculous." Snape said with rage and disgust, "I would even kiss Voldemort's ass then do this." 

Hermione raised an eyebrow at this and said, "I thought you had already done that?" 

Before Severus could yell something rude, Dumbledore said, "Is that right Severus?" Dumbledore sounded like he was asking a question, but he continued without waiting for an answer, "Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm afraid you will. I can not change what the sorting hat said for what ever the sorting hat says if final." Snape looked baffled. Hermione, at first looked pissed, but her face softened and she even smiled, a very evil smile at that. Dumbledore seen her smile, and sort of felt sorry for Severus, but he knew it will do the man good to live with a woman. Maybe he would even discover a newfound respect for women and his students alike. 

One after another, cruel ideas turned in her mind as she glanced at Severus. Oh she was going milk this for all it's worth and get Severus Snape back for everything he has said or did in the past. Oh, the sweet smell of revenge, Hermione thought.

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. There is no way I'm shearing a bed with that know it all, his head screamed. Snape's eyes flashed with anger and annoyance, as he was about to argue some more, but the look in Dumbledore's eyes stopped him. Oh how he was going to make that know it all pay.

"Now, the password to your rooms is 'Homicide', which can be found in the dungeons, behind a portrait of Salazar Slytherin. Also, here is your pet." With a wave of his wand and few words under his breath later a puppy appeared on Dumbledore's desk. "Now, Miss Granger, I'm sure you know what to feed and what not to feed him, correct?" 

Hermione, who was petting the dog, looked up at him and said, "Oh, yes of course professor." Dumbledore nodded. "Now this puppy here is going to represent a child. It will be taken with either one of you during the day. Also, you two have already missed half of dinner and by the time you two go to your rooms and dropped off your 'child,' you would most likely miss all of it. So, one of you or both of you will have to cook tonight. The refrigerator in your rooms will always be stocked. Miss Granger, you can show Severus how to use the stove and oven. If either of you have any questions you know where to find me."

Hermione looked at Severus then at the puppy, then back at Severus, then back at the puppy, then back at Severus once more and said, "Dear, you should be proud. Our child gets his looks from your side of the family." With that, Hermione, with the puppy in hand, stood up and walked to the door. "Come on love, I think our little baby is hungry. Yes you are, yes you are." Hermione said in a singsong voice, which made Snape cringe. 

"Really? Well if I didn't know any better I would say I was looking at your mother. Wait, it looks just like her. Aww, she's going to be so pleased. And Miss Granger, what did you call me?" Snape said in a low dangerous tone of voice, hearing her mumble obscenities at him. 

At this Hermione's eyes flashed. "Sevvy, if you don't come on already and stop insulting your face, I'll make you sleep with the dog. Now get your blubber butt up and let's go." Hermione said. 

Severus's face flushed with anger, though he did get up. He walked to the door and stood next to Hermione, who started to go out the door when Dumbledore spoke up "I don't really have to tell you this Severus since you are a professor, but you don't have much of private life. There's just one rule, no sexual activity. I put wards, spells, and charms in all the rooms to prevent it. That is all, good night." Severus and Hermione were dumbstruck. 

Hermione though was the first to recover. "Okay, thanks for that disturbing info. Let's go Sevvy, you have cooking duty." With that Hermione walked out the door and down the stairs before Snape could yell at her. Snape ran out the door and down the stairs, for he was about to go to Azkaban for murder. 

"MISS GRANGER" Snape bellowed, "I MAY HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS PROJECT BUT YOU WILL TREAT ME WITH RESPECT!" 

Hermione just raised an eyebrow and said coolly "I believe that's Mrs. Snape now. Also, there's no need to yell. I'm right in front of you." Hermione paused for a second and then said, "When's the last time you brushed your teeth or had a breath mint? Your teeth are more yellow than the sun, and your breath smells like Crookshank's litter box." With that she turned on her heal and walked toward the dungeons. Snape just stared at her with fury in his eyes, and then he stalked after her. When he got to her, she was standing in front of the portrait; she said the password and walked in with Snape behind her. They had no idea someone was in the room waiting for them.

****

Thanks for all the reviews. I made up for lost time by writing a lot more. And I'm sorry for the cliffy. Please, don't kill me, I might make it up to you all by writing a bit more and faster. *


	4. Chapter 4

As Severus and Hermione walked in they both saw a figure in the shadows by the window. Hermione stopped dead in her tracks, causing Snape to stop as well. Snape stood in front of Hermione and in a silky, dangerous voice he said, "Who are you? What business do you have here?" The figure stepped into the light and at that moment Snape felt an earth shattering fear ripping at his insides as he looked down at his mother.  
Hermione turned her head to the right and was quite surprised by the mortified look in Severus's eyes. She wondered why he was so frightened at a mere woman, but when the woman spoke Hermione understood why.  
"How dare you. HOW DARE YOU MARRY A GIRL AND NOT SAY A SINGLE WORD TO ME. I GUESS I'M NOT WORTHY. NO, I'M JUST YOUR MOTHER. SOMEONE WHO HAS GAVE BRITH TO YOU. SOMEONE WHO TOOK CARE OF YOU WHEN YOU WERE ILL, SOMEONE WHO HELD YOU WHEN YOU WERE FRIGHTENED. I'M JUST A NOBODY!" 

At that moment the woman started to cry. Severus, feeling terrible, ran to his mother and said in calm, soothing voice, "Mother, please. I'm sorry, but..." Before he could finish explaining, his mother reared up and started hitting him with her wicker purse and said between each hit, "DON'T GIVE ME THAT "I'M SORRY" BULLCRAP!" Snape's mother said before she hit him. "YOU NEVER EVEN WRITE ME"; She hit him again and said, "YOU DON'T EVEN CARE. YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ABOUT YOUR OWN MOTHER!" Severus said in a pleading voice," Mother, please, calm down." That just made her more hysterical. "Calm down? CALM DOWN! YOU GET MARRIED WITH OUT TELLING ME AND ALL YOU CAN SAY IS CALM DOWN!?" She started to hit him again with her purse and Hermione thought she knew how to get Snape's mother's good grace.   
Hermione walked over to Severus and asked in a clam voice, "Is this true dear?" Snape's mother stopped her assault, as she just realized Hermione was in the room. Snape, clearly surprised by her question, just stared and nodded helplessly. Hermione then turned toward his mother, and said, "Can I borrow that?" She nodded toward the purse. Snape's mom nodded, handing it to her. Hermione accepted the purse and said, "HOW DARE YOU NOT TELL YOUR MOTHER! ARE YOU ASHAMED OF ME? IS THAT IT?" Hermione started to beat Severus upside the head with the purse, while yelling, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! AFTER EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE FOR YOU, YOU TURN AROUND AND PULL THIS STUNT." Hermione said all while hitting him. Snape grabbed the purse and yanked it out of her hands. He turned to his mother and said in a calm voice, "Mother, Hermione and I just got married just now, about one hour ago. We were both married against our will. If I did marry her willingly I would have told you as soon as I met her. I'm hurt you'd think other wise." Hermione raised an eye brow and asked, "How did you know that your darling little boy and I got married, Mother?" She asked with a smile. Severus's mother looked at her with affection and answered, "The whole wizarding world knows. It's in all the news papers, Witch weekly, the Daily Prophet, and a few others." A smile playing upon her lips. "Have you had dinner?" Hermione asked. "No, I have not." Hermione smiled, "Then you must have dinner with us." She turned to Snape and said, "Honey, you best get started." At that she grabbed a hold of Snape's mother's hand and walked her over to the couch and said, "Do you have any funny stories about Severus as a baby?" Snape's mother's eyes sparkled and she said " Why, yes. There was this one time when he was eight, he had the cutest crush on his baby sitter Stephanie. That's all he would talk about, Stephanie this and Stephanie that, when one day we had to go out, and Stephanie had to baby-sit. Well, at that time, Severus would have accidents in his bed now and then. I didn't know Stephanie was behind me when I was telling my husband if he could brew Severus a potion to stop him from wetting the bed. Severus's face got so red; it was a very amusing sight. I always felt bad after that." Hermione couldn't help it. She burst out laughing on the spot. She liked the woman already.  
Snape wanted the woman to leave already. Severus wondered if he could slip something in his mother's or Hermione's food. I wouldn't go unnoticed though, he thought bitterly. Severus's eye twitched has he heard another embarrassing story about him, oh how his wished he could obliveat Hermione right about now.  
About an hour or so later, they all set down to dinner. Little was said throughout the meal. After dinner, they walked into the family room and had tea. Severus's mother sipped her tea and said, "I better go. This is your wedding night." Hermione blushed and kept quite, but Severus on the other hand had to make a stupid move. "Oh, that's ok mother, I'd rather not have lice." Severus said to his mother with a look of pure disgust. Hermione's anger could give Voldermort a run for his money. She turned towards Severus with the fires of hell behind her and said, "Oh really mister I-wash-my-hair-with-a-bottle-of-motor-oil. Since you feel that way why don't you take your 'I don't want lice' ass over to the couch and get comfortable because you're going to be sleeping there for a few good cold nights." With that she took Mrs. Snape's arm and saw her out.   
Severus just stood there stunned. He had no clue what just happened but he did know that little Mrs. Snape was going to have detention tomorrow. With those calming thoughts he went to the library.  
After seeing Mrs.Snape out, Hermione walked to her bedroom and started looking through her nightgowns that have already been packed away. She came across a black silk one that came to her ankles. With the nightgown in hand, Hermione walked to the bathroom to have a nice relaxing shower.  
Severus was on the second chapter of his new book when he heard the water running. Sleeping on the couch indeed, he thought as he turned the page. He had never slept on a couch and he wasn't going to start now weather she liked it or not.  
Hermione turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. To the right she spotted a white fluffy towel. She quickly grabbed it and started to dry off. She then slipped on her nightgown, with a brush in hand. Hermione hummed as she brushed her hair, but the humming stopped when Severus walked into the room.  
"What do you want?" Hermione said with a distasteful look on her face. Severus merely raised an eyebrow and said, "I'm going to take a shower, not that it's any of your business." With that he grabbed a shirt and a pair of boxers and walked in.  
After Hermione was done brushing her hair, she walked over to her bed and laid down on the right side and started to read by candlelight.  
It was sometime later when Severus walked out and when he did, he knew there was a problem. Hermione was sleeping on the right side. Severus walked over to the right side and looked down at Hermione trying to unnerve her. Sadly for him, she ignored him until he cleared his throat.  
"Hem, hem". Hermione didn't even look up, but she said, "What do you want Professor Umbridge?" Severus was slightly annoyed but he got the message and said," Excuse me Hermione?" Hermione looked up with a smile on her face, and said," Yes, how may I help you?" in a mocking voice. Severus ignored her and said, "Well you can start by moving over." Hermione was starting to get annoyed by then, but she kept her cool and said," I know you're not as bright as you were because the potion fumes are starting to take there toll on the so called brain of yours. But you're sleeping on the couch tonight, or are you suffering from old age as well?" Severus, at this point, had had enough. He raised his eyebrow and said, "Fine, have it your way." At this, he picks her up and said, "If you won't move, I'll move you myself." Hermione, to say the least, was slightly pissed. "SEVERUS SALISAR SNAPE, PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!" She said. Severus just laughed and said, "As you wish 'My dear'." and tossed her to the other side and slipped into bed.  
On the other side of the bed, Hermione was furious. How dare he, she thought. Oh, he will pay in the morning.  
Severus on the other hand was in a good mood. He had no idea it would be so fun to piss her off. He turned to his side and went to sleep.  
During the night they ended up in each others arms as husband and wife, though in the morning Severus woke up to Hermione screaming.


	5. Chapter 5

*Thanks for all of the reviews. I'm really sorry that it took me so long to update. Also thanks for not sending a virus to me.

Now on with the story…*

Hermione smiled in her sleep. She felt all warm and secure under the covers, sadly, that wasn't going to last. Hermione turned over in her sleep and opened her eyes. She saw, to her horror, her arms around Severus, and his around her. *What? * Hermione then screamed, which woke Severus up. "What in the hell…" Severus never did finish his sentence, for Hermione kicked him the stomach, which made him fall off the bed. "You pervert!" Hermione screamed as she ran into the bathroom. 

Severus just sat there as if he just been slapped. He shook his head, though he wanted to shake some since into Hermione, and walked to the closet for some close. After dressing he calmly walked into the kitchen to make breakfast. Hermione walked out of the bathroom, and into the kitchen to join Severus, who sat at the table eating. "That looks good, where's mine?" Hermione asked. Severus just looked at her as if she'd just grown two heads and then laughed at her. "The stove is still hot and I do believe Miss Granger that as a Know it all, you know the proper ways of cooking, so fix it your dame self." Hermione to say the least was shocked. *How dare he! * Hermione's eyes turned into pure fire as she glared at him. Then she smiled an evil smile at that. She swallowed her pride and walked into the kitchen and made her own. As Hermione cooked, she plotted. Then it hit her; she would make him do some thinking on how to treat her better on the toilet. 

Severus on no accounts was a coward, but paranoid most definitely. *I wonder what she's up to* He then sneers and continues to read the 'Daily profit'. Severus notices a lot of things on a daily basis, but he didn't notice his coffee slowly disappearing.

Hermione was smiling from ear to ear as she summons the laxatives from the bathroom. *** **I hope he likes chocolate coffee. * She opens the new box melts the entire thing. After it melted, she mixed it in with the coffee. Taking her breakfast into the dinning room, she puts on a small smile. Sitting down, she looks over at Severus, and says, " I apologize for my behavior this morning. I have been so selfish that I have failed to realize that you to are having to go threw as much trouble as I have, if not more and I'm just making it worse. So, I'm going to really try to be civil toward you and I'm also going to try to make the best of this situation." Severus looked shocked. "Well Miss Granger, I accept your apology and I to will try to be at least civil towards you", Severus said. *As civil as Mr. Malfoy is to Potter. Well, if she's going to be civil, I might as well suck this up for all it's worth* As he thought this, he looked into his coffee cup, and realized that he had drunk all of it, or so he thought. Hermione noticed this action, and stood and started walking toward the kitchen. "Hmm, Hermione since your up could you pore me another cup of coffee?" Hermione mentally smiled and said, "Of course, though I made a different kind. I hope you don't mind." Severus just smiled, which is really unheard of and said," No, I don't mind, what kind?" Hermione smiled and said, " Chocolate." Severus's eyes sparkled with delight. "That's find, it's one of my favorite really." Severus said. *Hook, line, and sincere. * Hermione thought as she walked into the kitchen and got the coffeepot. She walked back into the dinning room with the coffee and pored it into his cup with a sweet smile on her face. Severus took a sip and had to restrain himself from drinking the entire cup in one clop. "This is really good. Did you make this from scratch?" Severus asked. Hermione smiled and said, "Yes, I did. Is it any good?" Severus nodded. Hermione just smiled.

30 minutes later…

Severus stood in front of the 7th year class giving a lacier when his stomach stared to feel funny. He made a scrunched up face, which Hermione as well as the class noticed. There was a slight gurgling noise, which was also noticed by the class and then the only thing the class herd was a great big splat.

When Hermione seen Severus make a face, she knew it was working and wondered weather or not she should have put the hole box of x-lax into one cub. As soon as she herd the splat, she knew she did the right thing.

The professor's face, to say the least was red as fire. Severus prayed that no one had heard that, but with his god-forsaken luck, he knew the students did. Severus whipped his head to the right when he herd Hermione say, " Ron, what did you do? If you had to be flatulent, you could have asked Professor Snape if you could go out side for a moment." Ron looked annoyed and said, "That wasn't me!" Severus then knew that it had been Hermione's doing. His face turned redder, though not from embarrassment but from anger. 

Hermione was mentally laughing. She then had a wonderful idea. *Oh this is just to good to pass up* Hermione stood up and said," I wonder what it is then, because there is no away you can't smell that." She then walked up toward Harry, who was sitting a few rows down from her and started smelling around. "No, it's not coming from here, I thing it's coming from over there." With that Hermione pointed toward Severus. She walked toward him until she was standing right next to him and smelled him. She the made a funny face, "May I interest you in a dipper?" all while taking a dipper out of her bag which was hanging on her shoulder. 

The class was silent for a few moments, then the students started to laugh. "Did your parents ever potty train you when you where a child, or do you not know the simple concept of walking out the door a going to the bathroom, or are you just lazy?"

Severus couldn't take it any longer. He bellowed, "CLASS DISMISSED!" He then waved his wand at himself cleaning the mess from the floor and himself, as well as the odder. He looked up and seen Hermione trying to leave in a big hurry. "Not you Mrs. Snape!" He said sarcastically. Hermione looked as though she wanted to do anything elets but stay, but stay she did.

*Oh shit, now I'm going to get it. * Hermione thought as she walked towards him. "I know it was you!", Severus said. Hermione decided to play innocent. "What do you mean Severus?", Hermione asked. Severus looked irritated and said, "You know dame well what I mean. You put x-lax into my coffee this morning." Hermione's eyes got big and said, "I did no such thing!" Severus stepped toward her. His face was inches away from hers as he said," I will not let this go Mrs. Snape. I am not a little student who pulls little childish pranks. I am a potions master, who you have to live with, who you have to sleep next to." With that he smirked and said," Pleasant dreams Mrs. Snape." As Hermione turned around and started to walk out, she thought, * I'll be damed if he's going to have the last word. * So she turned back around and said, "I will, and you have a pleasant time sitting on the toilet sir shit's a lot." With that she turn around and walked out leaving Severus with a sneer on face and a crap stain in his briefs.


End file.
